I feel like I’m trying too hard to be one of the cool kids

I’m really just the nerdy girl

Who reads too much

Talks too much

Laughs in all the wrong places

I know a little about a lot of things

But have never mastered that one thing

I have left a string of hearts behind me

And have given mine away too easily

I am married to a man I don’t love

Live in a country that isn’t home

Because neither one of us know what else to do

I have failed spectacularly at life

While you, you’re amazing

Enthralling

Beautiful to watch

And have been generous enough

To let me inhabit a corner of your life

In the book of me

You would be that strange man

That comes swaggering down my lane

With a smile to melt hearts

And stardust in your eyes

And a kind of magical glamour that surrounds you

That draws in nerdy little girls like me

And the pretty girls, too

I would fall so hard

And would always want more

It would be like that magical spell

The one where no matter how much I eat

I’m still hungry

I would have to be the girl who

Could be okay with being hungry all the time

Boys see my face

And it makes them come

I don’t understand that

Even if you have such a vivid imagination

That you are able to create a sexy story around my face

Still… Is that all it takes to come

I wish I could come that easily

Everyday I get Thank You’s in my message box

For soiled underwear

“You’re so pretty.

Thank you for this morning.

And my underwear thanks you.”

And then they’re gone

Until the next time

They don’t want to talk to me

Heaven forbid I open my mouth

Unless it was to somehow

Magically accept their cock shoved down my throat

Alas the Internet hasn’t progressed that far

So boys jack off to my face

Lots of boys

At first I was kind of amused by it

Because I’m the nerdy girl

My face is not the face that launched a thousand ships

But now

It just makes me feel not quite enough

All I really want is to be tied up

And fucked hard

And to submit,

not easily,

to someone I trust

And maybe to be loved

But I’m just the nerdy girl

And here we are back at the beginning

I feel like I’m trying too hard to be one of the cool kids

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