Gallery

Let’s have a hard look at the truth that is standing directly in front of us – we were in a desperate and abusive relationship with a disordered and malignant NARCISSIST and we must move forward by discarding THEM now and forever!

This gallery contains 2 photos.

Originally posted on After Narcissistic Abuse:
From my Book: From Charm to Harm and Everything else in Between with a Narcissist! @http://www.amazon.com…

Everything Has Its Season

It is still winter
in my garden
I still find myself
wandering down there
when it is dark and quiet
when it belongs to the night

When the man
who has never
stopped loving me,

not even
when my heart
took one of its
solitary journeys
into the realm
of fantasy
only to return
broken and shattered,

when he has to
leave me
on my own
I can see the
worry and concern
on his kind face
as he reluctantly
slings his laptop bag
over his shoulder
and walks out the door

With his I love you
ringing in my ears,
like the sound of
a moving train
no longer visible,
I know
he will always
return

He is my safe space
He is my grounding
He is my constant star

Sometimes I forget
he’s there
until he’s not
when a kind of
quiet solitude
descends upon me
in soft waves
not quite melancholy
not quite loneliness

I spend more
sleepless nights
in my winter garden
when my guardian
and protector
is away

It is still cold
My fingers shake
as I smoke the cigarette
I always regret having

Even though
it has been
a relatively
sedate winter
with no snow
and very few storms
with ferocious winds
sweeping off the Channel,
the days are dark
and wet and gloomy
with an occasional
blessing of sun
to remind us
or taunt us

I am still thinking
of my summer roses,
waiting to watch them
bloom again
knowing
I will bloom again
with them,
slowly
a little too palely
but the tightness
in my chest
will erupt as a tiny
tight bud
and gradually
unfurl
into a soft blossom

The narcissi will be up
and flowering soon
Their leaves have already
pushed their way stubbornly
through the cold winter earth

Everything has its season
After death comes life
This is as it has always been
long before our brains
learned to grasp tightly
to let go suddenly
of memories
of past seasons

I am waiting
for the age of splendour
to return again

It won’t disappoint me
It never does

Everything has its season

image

When Your World Stops

Tags

, , ,

They expect me
to write about him

They expect
words of anger
words of bitterness
words of sadness

There is a great
problem here

Those words
don’t live
inside me

Those words
are not
my words

You see…

He doesn’t actually
exist anymore

Because he never did

He was a mere
two dimensional image
propped up by my need

A fantasy
a mirage
imagined
from waves
of heat
floating up
from hot cement
only to dissipate
in a cold winter wind

There was a time
when I believed
he was the closest
I had ever come
to true evil

Until I remembered
he was just another man
with a sick brain

When I looked
into his heart
for the last time
I saw nothing
but emptiness

It was time
for me to walk away

I didn’t look back
because
there was nothing there

I just walked on
watching small clouds
of dust
dance
around my
worn walking boots

Sometimes
you can find beauty
in the most unlikely
places

And sometimes
your world stops
stutters
and slowly begins
again

 

IMG_4203

Too Smart to be Abused

There is so much truth in this post. Survivors of abuse have to constantly remind themselves of two things: It was not your fault and you can’t fix it.

The Ochre Muse

(an edited repost)

I’ve always known I was too damn smart to get stuck in a toxic relationship. If I spotted the manipulation, it couldn’t affect me. I was too perceptive to be controlled, too aware to let someone get the better of me, and yet I spent several months having my self-worth chipped away one piece at a time, and leaving was a struggle that I still barely understand.

I knew what was happening. His psychological abuse was not exactly covert, and yet I kept trying to fix it, kept taking all the blame onto my own shoulders. Every time I managed to leave, I went back. I told my friends how many mistakes I made. I developed a hundred ways of taking on all the blame. Self-awareness has its downfalls in a relationship like that. I knew all my flaws, and if I could just become perfect…

View original post 360 more words

Blood on the Grass (TW)

“People regenerate. It’s just what we do.”

Many of you know I’m in the middle of trauma recovery treatment trying to recover from recent trauma and childhood trauma at the same time. It’s hard, painful work. Still… this post I’ve reblogged is filled with words and images of hope.

The Ochre Muse

The aftermath of a lion kill is so calm and silent that the gore seems almost benign. You’d think death would snuff all the normality out of the world, but horror is not as it’s portrayed in the movies. It sits so comfortably next to everything you’re used to seeing in your everyday life that the only thing out of place is the blood on the grass. It’s hard to spot a kill. Horror doesn’t look dramatic. It looks ordinary.

(Continued below)

7149159665_0c876fe9d2_b

Before I was raped, I thought assault snuffed all the normality out of survivors’ lives. I thought trauma was gory and dramatic enough to steal the stars out of the sky. That it didn’t was the horror because the dusk would always remind me that I wasn’t safe in the world. Now all the usual scents and sights that were there during my assault were covered in blood…

View original post 331 more words

Desiderata

From Desiderata by Max Ehrman, 1927

You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.

~ Max Ehrmann

Dancing Angels

Dancing Angels found at the reclamation yard ~ photography by Robin Dalton

 

Online Dating: How to Know When Someone is Lying to You

I wish I had read this two years ago. There is some good information here.

Coleman Life Coaching

truth-lieWe all know what dishonesty is. Unfortunately, we usually know after the fact. After we’ve learned we’ve just been had. If we are lucky, the price for that learning is embarrassment and regret. If we’re not so lucky, the price can be misery and death. And everything in between. Loss of money, reputation, friends, status, as well as your sense of safety.

Researchers call this deception. That word just doesn’t cut it for me. It’s too bland. Just for kicks I went to the thesaurus and found some other words. Words that give me the sense of feeling around being lied to.

Feel free to add your own words to this list in the comments section here.

  • lie
  • deceit
  • double-dealing
  • fraud
  • cheat
  • treachery
  • crookedness
  • trick
  • sham
  • fake
  • con
  • catfishing
  • predator
  • abuse
  • jerk

When someone lies to you, they know that what they are telling you is not true. Last…

View original post 1,056 more words

Mantras for No Contact: Why Silence Can Be the Most Powerful Voice

I actually discovered this because someone I followed kindly reblogged it on their blog at exactly the moment I needed it. I am so grateful. So with gratitude I am also reblogging it. Thank you.

Self-Care Haven by Shahida Arabi

I shared this on my Facebook page today and thought it might provide encouragement to survivors struggling with No Contact if I provided an extended version. For those who feel stifled by silence or feel oppressed in a situation where silence is the best course of action, hear this: your voice matters and it will resound in the spaces and places where it is most important and most needed. Not with your abuser, but with other survivors and the world you were meant to leave an impact upon.

Traumas and conflicts are likely to feel threatening to our psyche. On harder days, we can make the choice to meditate, reflect and look at ourselves compassionately. Rather than continue to invest or waste energy on the people and situations that are draining us, we can channel some of that energy into our own self-care, self-love and self-compassion.

Mantras and positive affirmations…

View original post 1,067 more words